A Letter on Behalf of My Folks to a Real Estate Agent

Mr. [Redacted] –

My name is Jason. My lovely Mother and Father purchased a home with your assistance some years ago. More recently, they sent you business by the way of my Uncle’s recent purchase of a condominium. Everyone was happy with the events that transpired.

We would appreciate the gesture of you sending us gift cards. However, the first one – to my parents – carried a balance of $0.00. The second – to my uncle – was for $7.71.

When we checked the balance on the first card, we were told that it had been purchased at Cotstco and then used at Stanford’s. We do not have the story on the second one. Neither I, nor anyone I have ever met, has sent or received a gift card for the princely sum of $7.71. Perhaps the numbers Seven, seven, and one – in that sequence – have a special meaning to you?

We have our theories as to what this means; this letter shall be only facts.

I assure you, one fact is that this looks far worse than not sending a gift at all, and has only brought you up as a topic of conversation at your expense. We only chose you because we had a non-negative experience in the past. We will not make the mistake again of putting an exceptionally quick and easy commission in your lap.

Do not attempt to correct your error. My parents have no interest in another gift card – especially one to restaurants in Portland, which you and my parents had mutually agreed is not a place that you all like to spend time. We will return the $0.00 and the $7.71 – whatever its significance – for you to use in Portland at your leisure. If we have received another gift card from you in the time before this letter reaches you, we will return it as well.

Please, don’t embarrass yourself by responding. We know you are sorry.


Jason Lackey